I never realized that there would be times as a servant of God that I would become weary. Times that I would doubt Gods power or even his existence. But I have found it to be true. There are times when I grow weary and wonder if I will have the strength to finish this race. There are times that I wonder if I should stumble again will I have the strength to get back up and move steadily toward the goal. There are times that I wonder if I will make it to the awaiting arms of my heavenly father.
Those times are daunting. They drain the energy form me. Unfortunately these are times that I have stopped relying on Gods strength to sustain me and tried to hold myself up by my own strength. Over the last couple of months this is what I have been going through. This is not how God made me. He made me weak so that through Him I could be made strong. He made me to be dependent on him.
Fortunately God’s grace has a way of renewing me and bringing me back into His strength and support. He always sheds His light on my path and shows me the way home. He reminds me who he is. About a week ago I got a reminder.
A group from my home church in Mesa, AZ came out to build a home and to encourage Jackie, the kids and me. It was wonderful to have them here and to work so closely with them.
While they were here we attended a church service in Juarez. And it was so apparent that God had planned the day. When we arrived at the church they that asked if any of us would like to speak, and two of us got up and gave testimonies of how God had changed our lives and showed us the love of Jesus. It was an emotional time for me. My heart was starting to soften and I could see that I was the one causing my doubts and struggles. And that is just were God wanted me for the remainder of the service. You see they had a guest speaker that day and he gave his testimony, and it was a powerful reminder of Gods ability to work miracles in the hearts of men. I don’t think my eyes were dry at any time during the rest of the service.
“Six years ago my appearance was very different” he began, and went on to tell that six years prior he dressed like a woman. He had the body of a woman. He had breast of a woman. He filled his body with female hormones. And for twenty years he lived the life of a homosexual transvestite. People in the communities would see going with men and called him crazy.
But one woman looked past his appearance and saw his heart. She told him of Jesus’ love for him and that he had to change. He told her that he was happy the way he was and she should leave him alone. But she wouldn’t, she told him he could not be happy the way he was living because that is not how God made him. She told him how he felt in his heart and he wondered how she could know exactly how he felt. God used her to bring him to faith in God.
Jesus can do all things. People told him no women would want him, but God gave him a wife. The doctors told him that you are born a homosexual and you cannot change, but God changed his desires. The doctors told him the hormones had ruin any chance of him having children, but God gave him two kids.
With tears running down my face I remembered Gods power. I love this king of kings
And I will serve him until I die, and hopefully into eternity. I make mistakes and I lose sight, but my trust will remain in the Lord. I see his power way too much to deny him his just praise.
At the end of the service God blessed each one of us through the people of that church. They laid hand on us and prayed for us. It is something I really can’t put into words, but a peace came over me. The only way to describe it is the peace that passes understanding. It is a knowledge that you have been forgiven and you owe nothing for it. It spawns a love in my heart that I want everyone to know, but there is only one source and the source is God the Father.
