Farewell

Well, I guess I can’t avoid writing this any longer. For quite awhile now I have been wondering if it were time for me to leave Amor Ministries. I went back and forth on the issue, so much so I was making myself just a little crazy. At the end of spring I finally came to the conclusion that it was time for me to leave. I did not want to leave the ministry during a busy time of the year so I decided that I would leave at the end of our summer season. Well, that time has come. As I write this I have three days left of work with Amor. I have been spending entirely too much time away from my family and it seems like this is best for all of us.

Jackie and I have decided to move back to El Paso. Shortly after I made the decision to leave the ministry she was offered her old job back with a raise. So since June 10^th she has been living in El Paso. That has made for a difficult summer as we have missed each other very much. There have be times that I traveled to Texas or she to Arizona so it has not been all summer long but I will be happy when we are living under the same roof again.

We bought a new house in mid July, and moved both Jackie a Danielle in. We used just about any down time I had to move our belongings into the house and it has started to feel like it is our home.

This has probably been one of the toughest decisions I have ever made. The work I have been doing with Amor Ministries has impacted my life in such a profound way it has become entangled with my heart and the separation is painful. There are so many people that I have met over the years that I can only imagine how much I will miss. The organization itself, the people who run it, well, I just can’t find the words that express my feelings and gratitude about the way you have impacted my life. Thank you all.

I don’t know where God is leading me at this time in my life. I am currently looking for work. I do however, trust that God will provide. He has proved that much to me over and over again. So as we move on into another season of life. I place my trust God and know that he still is not done with me. Where he is leading I will follow.

Good Year for Bad Days

“I’m fine.” This is the phrase that most often rolls off of my tongue when someone has asked the almost obligatory question included in most American greetings “How are you?” It is generally a question that is asked not expecting much more of an answer then what I usually give. Unless asked by a very close friend and even then it will probably be followed by the “how are you really?” if it is the true answer they are looking for.

Lately I have not been able to answer “I’m fine” to that question. The best I have been able to do is “I’ll be fine” or “I’m, well, OK” but mostly I have noticed that when someone ask that question I struggle to find any positive response, and so I they are getting answers like “ I’ve had better days.”

It reminds me of a song by the Refreshments, Good year for bad days. The chorus says, “It’s been a good year for bad days, or a bad year for good days, well here we go again, yeah here we go again now”. When I have listened to that chorus in the past months it has resonated inside me. I know what that feels like. And as I look around I know I am not the only one who has been feeling this way.

This seems like the perfect place to just unload the whole list of tragic events that have taken place over the last few years. Yes it would be nice to sit here and have a pity party about it all. And actually over the past few weeks I have done just that. But I am not going to unload on you right now. You see, even though I still think there are many unfortunate events circling around my life and the lives of those around me, I still have my Creator, my Savior, my Lord, my God.

I recently took a trip to the top of a mountain and spent the time unplugged from work and family. I went to ask God what he is doing. I went to get direction as to what he wants me to do. I had specific questions that I wanted answers to, and I was determined to wrestle with God until he gave me those answers. I did not get the answers I was looking for, in fact God was remarkably silent about my questions. But I did find peace. I took my bible and I read. I read all of Matthew and some in psalms. I spent time praying and listening. And while I did not here the answers to what God is up to, I did hear him speak to my heart. He actually stopped me in the middle of reading Matthew with a strong burden to turn to psalms I ended up in Psalms 106 which is basically a short history of the Israelites after leaving Egyptian captivity. It describes the on again off again worship and disregard of our heavenly father. But at the end it says this;

⁴³ Many times he delivered them,
but they were bent on rebellion
and they wasted away in their sin.
⁴⁴ Yet he took note of their distress
when he heard their cry;
⁴⁵ for their sake he remembered his covenant
and out of his great love he relented.
⁴⁶ He caused all who held them captive
to show them mercy

I admit, shamefully, the passage reminds me of my own relationship with God. And while I am still uncertain of where God is leading me at this time in my life I am much more content to follow. There is a peace in knowing that God is showing mercy on me and that he hears my cry, that whatever has taken me captive is being made to show mercy. I am not sure when the troubles will pass. I don’t know that that will. But I know that I have to keep my trust in God because he alone can get me through. The difficulties are still here but they are God’s to deal with not mine I will trust he will guide me through. So if there are more bad days to come I say bring them on. I know where my strength comes from. And it is not me.

Ready or Not

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10…

The POD shows up tomorrow. Jackie and I will start to fill it up with the boxes we have been packing. It is a strange feeling moving again. At this point in life I had hoped to be settled into one place and stay there, to buy a house and live the rest of my days there. Now we are trying to sell that house and move back to Arizona. We go to serve in an area that God has gifted to Amor and with it comes uncertainties and difficulties. It is strange that this move to Arizona fills me with more fear than our move to El Paso. We are going home in a sense and yet there is far more uncertainty to this move.

So why move? It is a fair question.

To be honest I have asked myself that question many times over the past year as I have oscillated back and forth over the right thing to do. If I had just any job it would be an easy answer. I would have quit long ago. I would stay right where I am, if only for the desire of my daughter to be near her friends or just the familiarity of this house that has become our home.

But, God is in the mix, the God who has offered me a life redeemed, despite my continued failings. I love Him and it is why I serve. It is why I came to work with Amor and it is why I cannot leave. I do not feel him leading me away from Amor. Through all the difficulties we have faced the past two years I have not felt led to leave. Now more than ever I feel he has asked me to endure the difficulties and uncertainties a while longer, to see them to a resolution.

So, we are moving. Uncertain of whether or not our house will sell. Uncertain if Jackie will find work. But knowing that God has been with us every step of the way thus far and we have no reason to doubt him now. I am sacred but I trust God and I know that no matter my circumstance He cares for me.

Arizona…

Ready or not, here we come.

This Mission of Love

It is not really in my nature to solicit financial support. That sounds a bit odd considering that when I started working for Amor that was the only way I was going to earn a paycheck. But it is true I have never been very comfortable at asking for money. It is probably the reason I am so bad at fund raising. But, that is exactly what I am going to do.

Over the years Amor has gradually changed the way I have been paid so that now I don’t have to rely on your financial gifts to maintain a steady income. Unfortunately, I have to admit that that has made me lazy in my support raising. Like I said I was never very good at it and I relied heavily on my wife to supplement my pay in order to get by. But now that my pay does not fluctuate with the gifts you supply I really have let my responsibility for fund raising slide. As a result those that support me have dwindled to a faithful few.

You see, even though I now have a fixed salary the money for that salary needs to be raised by the ministry. Amor allows us to raise support to supplement our income an additional 10% to encourage us to continue raising support to cover our salaries. It should be easier for me to do. I no longer have to try to get people to support and to partner with me. Instead I get to ask people to join the efforts of a ministry that I truly believe in.

I love this ministry. I have loved it from the time I went on that first mission trip. I loved it the day I joined the team, and I love it eight years later. Why you may ask. Well, I have a one word answer to that question, “hope”. There are many things that Amor does and many of them are never seen by our participants. We are not just a house building ministry. We are a ministry that serves a group of pastors the likes of whose faithfulness is rare to come by. It is through these men and women that God offers hope to not only the physically poor but also to those poor spiritually.

I have also had the honor of seeing so many people, who come to serve by building homes, find hope in a world that seems filled with greed and selfishness. Hope that the world can see real change when injustice is so rampant.

So if you are so inclined please join us in this mission of hope. Really that word should be love. For it is out of God’s love that we have found hope and it is out this hope that that we find the strength to love. So if you are inclined to join us in this mission of love. Please do so.

You can donate online at: http://www.amor.org/give

If you what to support me specifically you can do so online here: https://www.amor.org/SSLPage.aspx?pid=444