1991 was the year I graduated from high school. I had dreams of becoming a famous well-paid graphic artist. And while I did eventually start a career in that field, God obviously had other plans for my life. 19 years later I watched as my son Robert received his diploma and my hopes for him are very different than hopes I had for myself at his age. His dreams are similar to the dreams I held then. He aspires to become a famous and well-paid surgeon. I would like nothing more than to see him reach his dream, but if I could I would change his focus from fame and riches to honoring God and serving others.
This year continues to test our resolve and trust in God (just so you know God is still winning our trust). As you know the past two years have brought many trials our way. This year has been no exception. Least of which has been the troubles afflicting the city of Juarez. It seems that family issues are much more difficult to bear especially when you realize you are no longer able to make the choices for your loved ones but have to watch them find their own way.
Three days ago Robert graduated from high school. Two days ago we held his graduation party. We showered him with gifts and held a feast in his honor. To the best of our ability we gave him our blessing to go into this world and be all that God has made him to be. Yesterday he left for Louisiana where he will be living with his grandparents while he attends Louisiana State University. It has been a very difficult process over the last few months, him trying hard to assert himself as an adult and us trying so hard to hold on to our child. When he told us a few weeks ago that he had decided not to return home after his student orientation I was both proud of him and sad at the same time. Time slipped away so quickly, something that when I was his age I had no understanding of, and now I feel like a spectator watching from the stands cheering on my team when I used to be the coach showing him how it was done.
We attended church yesterday before he left. Our church meets in downtown El Paso at a coffee shop, and every other week we hand out burritos to the homeless that are around the area. We had a lot of food leftover from the graduation party and only Jackie would be home for the next two weeks to eat it. I will be away working on the San Carlos Apache Reservation in Arizona. And we sent Danielle with Robert to visit her grandparents and see her brother off. So we had a lot of food left that would only go bad. So I took the left over rolls, brisket, and turkey and made sandwiches to hand out around downtown. As the others attended the service I quickly went about handing out the food. As I did this, I came across an elderly woman that appeared to be sleeping but I could not tell. I laid two sandwiches at her feet unsure if she was even alive. When I returned to church they were in the middle of a message from Matthew chapter 6:25 through 34, in a nutshell, don’t worry. As I sat there I thought about the woman on the street, I wondered how she would feel about that message. That she should not worry. I thought, “Easier said than done, God”. But then I heard the still small voice speaking to my heart. It said, “I fed her today.” And here I was thinking I had done that. As I sat and prayed I realized that this is what I want more than anything for my children that they allow themselves to be used by God.
We love both our children so much. And that love gives us a better understanding how our heavenly father loves us. So we will continue to follow where he leads no matter how hard the road.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Fifteen years ago
Fifteen years ago Jackie was pregnant with my beautiful little girl Danielle, Robert was a cute nearly three-year-old little boy, and I was a young, naïve about just how fragile life is, man trying to make a yellow light before it turned red. I did make the light but in my haste I failed to see the tow truck that was running the red light for the crossing traffic. We entered the intersection in our newly purchased Toyota Tercel and were struck on the driver side door with enough force to spin the car around and push us into the oncoming lanes of the crossing street. Jackie immediately began to panic. It was a hyper ventilating scream that just kept repeating and repeating. Instinct kicked in for me. I looked around and saw that no one was majorly hurt at least not to look at us. But I knew that I had to calm Jackie down. Robert was starting to panic as he listened to his mom’s screams. I had to get out of that car so I could get Robert out. I tried to calm Jackie with little success. I was able to push the mangled door open with the help of someone who stopped to see if we were OK. I pulled Robert out and tried to calm him and then went to attend to his mom and was able to calm her. By then the ambulance was there to take Jackie to the hospital to check to see if Danielle was OK. Up to that point I had not allowed myself to think that anything could possibly be wrong. And as it turned out nothing was. The greatest injury sustained was the glass that imbedded itself in my arm when the driver side door window shattered. And I did not realize that until we were all at the hospital.
So, last Friday when I got the call telling me that my son was taking Danielle to the hospital for appendicitis, instinct kicked in once again. I knew I had to keep everyone calm. Jackie and I were nine hours away in Puerto Peñasco Mexico. I knew that I had to break the news to Jackie in such a way that she would not panic. I was only somewhat successful. I knew I had to take care of some things before I left, had I known just how serious the situation was I am not sure I could have done it. I just would not allow myself the thoughts that anything really bad could happen. We would take care of what we could and get on the road, and that is what we did. It was a long drive home. We had to get updates on Danielle by phone as we drove across Arizona and New Mexico. Danielle suffered a ruptured appendix and under went surgery and we could not get there to hold her hand. I still would not allow myself to think that she would not be alright. I told myself that the doctors handle this kind of thing all the time and she would be OK but that did not help the guilt I felt for not being able to be there. When we got to the hospital the surgery was over and they said everything went well and that she would likely be in the hospital for seven days to recover. So at that point I knew I was right that everything would be OK. But on Thursday nearly a week later, the doctors started to worry. Danielle’s white blood cell count was not coming down. She was taken in for a CT scan and they found two abscesses of infection. They wanted to do what they described as a simple non-surgical invasive radiology procedure, where they would insert catheters into the abscesses to drain the infection. But as I watched and waited outside I realized this was no simple procedure. As I watched Danielle try to recover from the “non” surgery I had no one to keep calm. I had no job to make sure was getting done. And I was having a hard time keeping myself calm, and I finally allowed myself to think about what my Daughter has been going through. I finally realized that I could have easily lost my little girl, and I realized that she had not yet past that threat. She has spent the last 11 days in the hospital and things are really starting to look good. Her white blood cell count has finally started to drop and the doctors think things are looking good. Tomorrow they will take her in for a CT scan to see if all the infections have been taken care of. Then maybe we will get to bring our little girl home.
I did not realize it but I have been doing the same thing for the last year and a half with my work. Trying to keep calm and trying to keep everyone around me calm. It is probably why I have had such a hard time writing any updates to my blog. I am sure most of you know that the situation in Mexico and especially Juarez Mexico has been very bad. Every time I sat down to write anything about it seemed to get worse. I have been trying to trust God that everything will work things out the way he wants. Or at least that he will use what ever happens for good. But I have to face the fact that what God sees as good is not always what I see as good. God could have taken Danielle from me. Things like that happen every day to people all over the world. God can and does use it for good. But I would not have seen it as good. Likewise I am having trouble in seeing how God is using the drug war in Mexico for his good. And for that reason I would write but I would not post because it sounded so negative. I am going to try not to do that anymore. I know that you all have supported me for so many years, through your prayers and through your gifts. I owe it to you to allow you to support me through this as well.
Many things have happened over the past year and a half. Many of you know about them but not all of you. In October 2008 I had to let a friend go that I had worked with for more then six years. Not long before, the violence from the drug war had really started to intensify. In December of 2008 he was dead, a victim of a shooting at a Juarez Gas station. I really struggled with it for quite a long time. In March 2009 the U.S. consulate released a warning that we had no information on and we made the decision to cancel all of the youth mission trips to our Chihuahua field that spring. We did a lot of investigating before we felt comfortable enough to allow groups to start coming back. Then we had the swine flew scare and what groups we did have started to cancel. In the summer of 2009 I drove by a shooting in the Juarez area. I was scared. It only took a few seconds, but I never drove the same way again. My eyes are constantly scanning the road for anything that looks suspicious. By the end of 2009 we had only built ten houses in the Chihuahua field. On a normal year we were building close to two hundred. 2010 started to look up some groups were starting to sign up for spring I was thinking that we might double or even triple the number of houses of 2009. However on the second day of our spring season in Chihuahua there was a shooting not far from our camp. Around the same time there was a shooting in Juarez claiming the lives of people with close ties to the U.S. consulate. The consulate evacuated all U.S. personnel. While our groups were not in danger we felt it was best to do the same. So four houses were left unfinished, and my thoughts of doing more houses this year left with the groups.
There is a good side to all this negative news. There was a donation made enabling our pastors to build seven homes for families that would not be receiving a home due to all of the violence. In light of the work that the pastors were already doing, the groups that were evacuated donated their funds so that the houses could be finished. So, ten houses will be built this year as well and the year is not over yet. Let’s hope God wants to do more. But if that is not what He wants. Let’s hope I am OK with it.
So, last Friday when I got the call telling me that my son was taking Danielle to the hospital for appendicitis, instinct kicked in once again. I knew I had to keep everyone calm. Jackie and I were nine hours away in Puerto Peñasco Mexico. I knew that I had to break the news to Jackie in such a way that she would not panic. I was only somewhat successful. I knew I had to take care of some things before I left, had I known just how serious the situation was I am not sure I could have done it. I just would not allow myself the thoughts that anything really bad could happen. We would take care of what we could and get on the road, and that is what we did. It was a long drive home. We had to get updates on Danielle by phone as we drove across Arizona and New Mexico. Danielle suffered a ruptured appendix and under went surgery and we could not get there to hold her hand. I still would not allow myself to think that she would not be alright. I told myself that the doctors handle this kind of thing all the time and she would be OK but that did not help the guilt I felt for not being able to be there. When we got to the hospital the surgery was over and they said everything went well and that she would likely be in the hospital for seven days to recover. So at that point I knew I was right that everything would be OK. But on Thursday nearly a week later, the doctors started to worry. Danielle’s white blood cell count was not coming down. She was taken in for a CT scan and they found two abscesses of infection. They wanted to do what they described as a simple non-surgical invasive radiology procedure, where they would insert catheters into the abscesses to drain the infection. But as I watched and waited outside I realized this was no simple procedure. As I watched Danielle try to recover from the “non” surgery I had no one to keep calm. I had no job to make sure was getting done. And I was having a hard time keeping myself calm, and I finally allowed myself to think about what my Daughter has been going through. I finally realized that I could have easily lost my little girl, and I realized that she had not yet past that threat. She has spent the last 11 days in the hospital and things are really starting to look good. Her white blood cell count has finally started to drop and the doctors think things are looking good. Tomorrow they will take her in for a CT scan to see if all the infections have been taken care of. Then maybe we will get to bring our little girl home.
I did not realize it but I have been doing the same thing for the last year and a half with my work. Trying to keep calm and trying to keep everyone around me calm. It is probably why I have had such a hard time writing any updates to my blog. I am sure most of you know that the situation in Mexico and especially Juarez Mexico has been very bad. Every time I sat down to write anything about it seemed to get worse. I have been trying to trust God that everything will work things out the way he wants. Or at least that he will use what ever happens for good. But I have to face the fact that what God sees as good is not always what I see as good. God could have taken Danielle from me. Things like that happen every day to people all over the world. God can and does use it for good. But I would not have seen it as good. Likewise I am having trouble in seeing how God is using the drug war in Mexico for his good. And for that reason I would write but I would not post because it sounded so negative. I am going to try not to do that anymore. I know that you all have supported me for so many years, through your prayers and through your gifts. I owe it to you to allow you to support me through this as well.
Many things have happened over the past year and a half. Many of you know about them but not all of you. In October 2008 I had to let a friend go that I had worked with for more then six years. Not long before, the violence from the drug war had really started to intensify. In December of 2008 he was dead, a victim of a shooting at a Juarez Gas station. I really struggled with it for quite a long time. In March 2009 the U.S. consulate released a warning that we had no information on and we made the decision to cancel all of the youth mission trips to our Chihuahua field that spring. We did a lot of investigating before we felt comfortable enough to allow groups to start coming back. Then we had the swine flew scare and what groups we did have started to cancel. In the summer of 2009 I drove by a shooting in the Juarez area. I was scared. It only took a few seconds, but I never drove the same way again. My eyes are constantly scanning the road for anything that looks suspicious. By the end of 2009 we had only built ten houses in the Chihuahua field. On a normal year we were building close to two hundred. 2010 started to look up some groups were starting to sign up for spring I was thinking that we might double or even triple the number of houses of 2009. However on the second day of our spring season in Chihuahua there was a shooting not far from our camp. Around the same time there was a shooting in Juarez claiming the lives of people with close ties to the U.S. consulate. The consulate evacuated all U.S. personnel. While our groups were not in danger we felt it was best to do the same. So four houses were left unfinished, and my thoughts of doing more houses this year left with the groups.
There is a good side to all this negative news. There was a donation made enabling our pastors to build seven homes for families that would not be receiving a home due to all of the violence. In light of the work that the pastors were already doing, the groups that were evacuated donated their funds so that the houses could be finished. So, ten houses will be built this year as well and the year is not over yet. Let’s hope God wants to do more. But if that is not what He wants. Let’s hope I am OK with it.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Nobody Gets a Smooth Ride
Nobody gets a smooth ride.
Every child will learn how the asphalt burns
when he takes sharp turn too wide.
Nobody gets a smooth ride.
I'm really sorry the way things are going these days,
try to be careful, that's all I can say
Every child will learn how the asphalt burns
when he takes sharp turn too wide.
Nobody gets a smooth ride.
I'm really sorry the way things are going these days,
try to be careful, that's all I can say
“Nobody Gets a Smooth Ride” The Choir
As it is evident from some of my past post, I find much of my inspiration for these posts from music. I have been listening to the song above for a while now and when I hear it I can’t help but think of the situation that has enslaved
For some reason in 2007 we were unable to build a home for the Davalos Olague family. In 2008 we saw a large drop in the number of groups due to several factors one of which was the fear that has affected every ministry along the border. So, once again this family of six waited. Our pastors and field reps had to talk to them several times and ask them to be patient and wait on God. Needless to say, that this family as well as a few others became a high priority for us to build for in 2009. Unfortunately, the beginning of 2009 saw the violence in
When we found out that
They came and they built that double with a little help from myself and Alfredo. The community leaders were so grateful that they offered to help by escorting the group to and from the worksite every day and by checking in on them through out the day to see that everyone was OK. They understand the fear and want to do all they can to ease that fear. It was one of the most trouble free weeks I have experienced in all my time working for Amor. And best of all after waiting two and half years, A hope lost became a hope restored.
At one of the nightly devotionals this group held we spoke about the situation in
The world is a dangerous place. Please try to be careful, but if we follow Jesus;
This is when we go to work.
Monday, April 06, 2009
I know it has been a while since I wrote my last blog. And I remember telling you that I would continue with all that had been going on, but most of that has been so overwhelming for me that I am still struggling to find the right way to put it all down in words. So, I’m just going to skip ahead and tell you what is going on now. I’ll try to come back to the rest of the story later.
You may have heard that due to the uncertainty of the situation in Cd. Juarez and with all of the news that has surrounded Mexico we redirected our youth group trips out of Chihuahua. Many chose to go to Puerto Penasco. So, T.J. and I have been here in Puerto Penasco for two weeks now.
It has been wonderful to been able to work with so many groups that have a commitment to serve no matter the risk. Out of all the groups that I have spoken with here only one said that that would have had canceled if we had not move them here.
That being said I am looking forward to April 8th so that I can go home and see my lovely wife and children. It is good to know though that Jackie has become so much a part of me and I of her that it is very difficult to be away this long. I love my family very much.
I had hoped with being here in Penasco, I would at least get to avoid the normal windstorms that we deal with and work through in Chihuahua, unfortunately that has not been the case. The wind here is terrible as well. Although I have gotten to take advantage of it from time to time and fly a kite that was sent out in a care package from San Diego. (Thank you to everyone who had a hand in that).
We have had a relatively easy trip so far, aside from a few snags. A minor car accident, one of our trucks broke down and was fixed in Phoenix, a participant broke his thumb. But the hardest to deal with by far was that we found out that the Juarez-Gonsalez family lost their thirteen-year-old son in an automobile accident the night before or group was scheduled to build their new home. T.J. had the difficult task of being the communicator to the family and he did a wonderful job. It was different from our normal work week to say the least. At a time when we normally would see a very happy and excited family, we instead watched as mother and father, sister and brother, aunt and uncle, and many other family members mourned the passing of a very young loved one. It was bittersweet. While we may have felt out of place and in the way the family was still glad we were there to provide their remaining five children a solid home. No matter how unimportant that felt to us at the time it was still appreciated by the family. By the end of the week I actually started to see some smiles on the faces of the children that lived there. This may be one of the most important homes we have ever built. I know that God is especially fond of this family, But then again I would have to say that about all the families we have built for. So, maybe they are all the most important homes we build.
You may have heard that due to the uncertainty of the situation in Cd. Juarez and with all of the news that has surrounded Mexico we redirected our youth group trips out of Chihuahua. Many chose to go to Puerto Penasco. So, T.J. and I have been here in Puerto Penasco for two weeks now.
It has been wonderful to been able to work with so many groups that have a commitment to serve no matter the risk. Out of all the groups that I have spoken with here only one said that that would have had canceled if we had not move them here.
That being said I am looking forward to April 8th so that I can go home and see my lovely wife and children. It is good to know though that Jackie has become so much a part of me and I of her that it is very difficult to be away this long. I love my family very much.
I had hoped with being here in Penasco, I would at least get to avoid the normal windstorms that we deal with and work through in Chihuahua, unfortunately that has not been the case. The wind here is terrible as well. Although I have gotten to take advantage of it from time to time and fly a kite that was sent out in a care package from San Diego. (Thank you to everyone who had a hand in that).
We have had a relatively easy trip so far, aside from a few snags. A minor car accident, one of our trucks broke down and was fixed in Phoenix, a participant broke his thumb. But the hardest to deal with by far was that we found out that the Juarez-Gonsalez family lost their thirteen-year-old son in an automobile accident the night before or group was scheduled to build their new home. T.J. had the difficult task of being the communicator to the family and he did a wonderful job. It was different from our normal work week to say the least. At a time when we normally would see a very happy and excited family, we instead watched as mother and father, sister and brother, aunt and uncle, and many other family members mourned the passing of a very young loved one. It was bittersweet. While we may have felt out of place and in the way the family was still glad we were there to provide their remaining five children a solid home. No matter how unimportant that felt to us at the time it was still appreciated by the family. By the end of the week I actually started to see some smiles on the faces of the children that lived there. This may be one of the most important homes we have ever built. I know that God is especially fond of this family, But then again I would have to say that about all the families we have built for. So, maybe they are all the most important homes we build.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
